"There is no real love without courage. Courage and love go hand in hand."

"Why don't you just come and join us?" - this was the simple message that I got from my community group leader about 9 months ago. I almost lost touch with Tzu Chi for nearly four years while doing a teacher training course overseas. As all of the nearest Tzu Chi branches were located hundreds of kilometres away from where I stayed, I didn't manage to connect with any of them.
 
A year after returning to Singapore, I was still quite hesitant about joining my community group though I did help out in the annual charity food-fair and donation drive in aid of victims of the twin disasters in Asia last year. One common excuse that I gave was the lack of time due to a busy work schedule. In fact, as an "introvert by nature" and "an extrovert by necessity", I always shy away from social gatherings filled with people whom I haven't got any acquaintance with. "How could I connect myself with a closely knitted group with established group norms? It's scary to be the only 'newbie' in the group!" - this was the frame of mind which prevented me from taking the plunge.
 
Finally, on a fine Saturday afternoon in the middle of last year, I joined one of the monthly gatherings with my group for the first time. "Hey, 'breaking the ice' isn't as difficult as it seems to be after all!" I thought. "This is probably because all of us share similar ideals in life and have a common spiritual teacher - Master Cheng Yen." Since then, I have seldom missed the monthly gathering.
  
Although I had plenty of opportunities sorting recyclables while I was overseas for recycling and compost-making were part and parcel of the life of the highly environmentally conscious community which I was part of, I didn't join Tzu Chi's recycling programme until a year after returning home. "It's impossible to get people to recycle in Singapore. Recycling is not our culture here." Once again, I allowed another negative thought to obstruct me from doing something worthwhile.
 
One warm and humid Tuesday evening, I sorted recyclables with other Tzu Chi volunteers at the recycling station of the branch office in Pasir Ris for the first time. We spent slightly over an hour sorting a huge pile of used plastic bags collected from factories with our backs bent most of the time. We were all exhausted after that. However, I had never seen so many people sorting so much 'junk' in such an efficient manner with so much joy, and yet most of them came straight after work. "This is really amazing!" I thought. Then, I began joining the monthly recycling programme in my birthplace - Bedok as I really enjoy basking in the warmth and joy which fills the void deck where the recycling point is located.     
 
Recently, I attended a gathering for volunteers conducting home visits in the Southeast Zone. Although I have yet to join the home visit team, I went there to familiarise myself with the cases which Tzu Chi is handling. One particular case which impressed me deeply was about a mentally handicapped duo (mother and son) who live on the ground floor of an HDB block. 

When photographs of the filth-filled and insect-infested flat of the duo were flashed on the screen, I flinched. Next, photographs depicting Tzu Chi volunteers cleaning up the flat were shown. Though I was filled with admiration for the volunteers, I couldn't help doubting if the duo would ever learn how to clean up after themselves if they kept on cleaning for them.

However, it soon dawned on me that if the mother and son were capable of doing the job, they would have been normal. Being mentally-handicapped, they are unable to manage their lives and live like normal people. Their dire home environment was a direct reflection of their mental health. Indeed, I really have to conquer my own fears before I could comfort or be of any help to those in need.

"There is no real love without courage. Courage and love go hand in hand" - this is a line from a former teacher (a speech and drama teacher/therapist from New Zealand) of mine which still rings in my ears. One's heart can only be filled with genuine love if it doesn't contain any fear (to love). Fear exists in a variety of forms and has many faces. It's one of the worst hindrances to spiritual development. Ironically, many fears are self-inflicted.

However, many Tzu Chi volunteers are fearless in the face of adversities, so they are able to love those whom most people find it impossible to love. I'm fortunate indeed to have the opportunity to meet this amazing group of people in my life. May we be in part of one another's life in all our future lives.