As the chamber doors finally came to a close and the cries around me drew silent once again, a new chapter in my life was opened. It signaled the beginning of a new me, one that was going to learn to be more caring and appreciative towards those around him, one that was going to live every single moment of his life to its fullest. Life is how you choose to live it, and the things you are capable of achieving during this life cannot be bound by anyone around you but yourself.

A series of unexpected and cruel events occurring over a period of three short months left my father grieving the loss of both his parents; the wonderful, loving people who had always pampered and protected me as a child.

It was through my witnessing of the sudden decline in health and eventual death of my grandparents that I began to realize the frail, delicate nature of a human life, and more importantly, it brought me to realize the irreplaceable and priceless value of someone close to one’s heart.

Barely three full months after my grandmother’s untimely passing, I found myself attending the funeral wake of my late grandfather, watching as my father and his brothers and sisters wept solemnly by the side of his casket. I couldn’t help but wonder to myself how dearly I would miss the old man now that he was no longer with us.

Thinking back to happier times in the past, I could still remember him making the effort to visit us whenever he could, and bringing me my favorite snacks each time he came. I could remember the times my father and I brought him to Chinatown, Clarke Quay, and the likes of such places, going to flea markets and picking out old antiques that would remind him of the old days. “Two fathers and two sons” was what we used to call ourselves when we were out together.

But it was not always like that between us. There were of course, times that were pretty unhappy and rather depressing to think about. We didn’t always get along all the time and it was not only my grandfather, but my grandmother too. I remember myself being extremely rude toward them more often than not, shutting them off the moment they tried to nag at me or tell me to do things that I didn’t agree with. Perhaps it was because of the huge generation gap that we couldn’t really understand each well other at times, but that was no good nor valid excuse for my aggressive behavior towards them, which admittedly, was un-called for most of the time.

It was in fact, during an incident about half a year before the demise of my grandmother that I truly left my mark and a scar on all those who cared for me. I recall being in an unusually bad mood that day, and reaching home only to hear a barrage of my grandmother’s nagging, I could not suppress my fiery temper anymore; I simply blew my top clean off. A senseless flurry of obscene curses and mean insults were indiscriminately shouted at her, coupled with some rather vulgar hand signals.

Cooling off in alone my room moments later, I decided that that would be the first and the last time I would ever do something hurtful like that to anyone whom I considered family. However, despite fully regretting my earlier actions, I was not such a forgiving person back then. I never spoke a word to her again after that day, not until the very last day of her life, when she was laying in a daze on the bed of her hospital ward. “Rest well” was all I said to her before her eventual passing. She had been warded in hospital for over two long months, struggling to sustain her ailing health, and yet I did not even visit her, not even once before that day.

One could only try to imagine how torn and hurt my parents felt back then, and if I had the chance to turn back the clock, I would change all of that for sure. Unfortunately, time waits for no man and what is gone is gone.

Three short months later, I found my grandfather in a disturbingly similar situation. He was admitted into the same hospital as my grandmother used to be, after a series of blood tests and x-ray scans revealed that he was having a relapse of a cancer he recovered from many years earlier. His health was deteriorating significantly day by day and his then already thin frame was diminishing even further. The doctors told us all to prepare for the worst in the days to come.

It was going to be different this time, I told myself. If he was indeed going to leave us then I wanted to make sure he left knowing how much he meant to me. I wanted him to know that I had changed for the better since my grandmother passed away and most importantly, I wanted him to rest with a true peace of mind.

I made an effort and made it a point to go visit him whenever I could almost everyday, bringing him his favorite foods each time I went. I spent long hours by his bedside talking to him about the times we shared in the past and finding out more about his younger days. It turned out that he wasn’t very different from me in his past, having his own fair share of rebellious behavior during his day. It was indeed interesting to see how a person’s personality can change so much over time.

His time was finally up within two weeks. Friends and relatives were gathered by his hospital bed during the last 24 hours of his long and well lived life. His throat was burning dry, so much so that he asked for ice cream; something that he has never enjoyed eating throughout his life. We took turns to feed it to him and by the time we were done, he had drifted off peacefully into his final deep sleep.

The following morning I found myself at the very same place where my grandmother’s funeral wake was held not too long ago. A strange sense of déjà vu followed when my grandfather’s body arrived at the wake, and I could see the same pain and sorrow in the eyes of my parents and relatives as I saw the last time. Cries and wails broke out amongst them as the lifeless body was lifted into the waiting casket, and the whole scene right then was almost unbearable to watch.

As the many friends and relatives came and went during the course of the funeral wake, I sat around the tables and listened intently to their casual banter about life and death, and I found some things they mentioned to be rather intriguing and thought provoking. It made me wonder about many things, about the relative shortness of a human being’s lifetime, and how my father was only 42 when he lost both his parents. I tried hard but still, I could not manage to imagine how it harsh it would be on me the day my parents were to leave this wonderful world.

Then I came to realize how beautiful and yet constantly unappreciated our lives truly are. No doubt, life may be short, but it could still be filled with constant surprises and amazing experiences day after day. Life is how you choose to live it, and the things you are capable of achieving during this life cannot be bound by anyone around you but yourself. I could finally understand why my grandparents always told me to love and treasure my parents when they are still around.

The final day of the funeral wake came soon after, and it was time to head off to the crematorium in Mandai to see my grandfather off in his final journey. It was a solemn and emotional occasion and no one spoke a word to each other on the long road there. It seemed like just yesterday when I last saw the old man showing up at my doorstep with a wide smile on his cheerful face.

The unnerving silence that lasted since that morning was abruptly broken in unrehearsed unison with hysterical cries when the coffin was raised and maneuvered towards the burning abyss inside the cremation chamber as we all watched from the viewing balcony above.

This entire experience was nothing short of traumatic for me and those related, but from the ashes of my grandparents I have gained a priceless and life-changing insight about both the simplicity and complexity of life.

As the chamber doors finally came to a close and the cries around me drew silent once again, a new chapter in my life was opened. It signaled the beginning of a new me, one that was going to learn to be more caring and appreciative towards those around him, one that was going to live every single moment of his life to its fullest.